I know a lot of people say it’s a new chapter in January, whether it’s true or not. In my case, I will continue doing similar things that I did last year so it isn’t much of a new chapter in that sense, but I feel different inside. I feel like I’ve completed something, I’m done, and I don’t know the way to move forward. How does one move in the world when what used to be a motivation no longer motivates?
It sounds a bit depressing, I’ll admit, and to be perfectly honest I do feel a bit depressed. But I also sense a beautiful possibility around the corner, a way of being and moving that isn’t dictated by forces out of my control, but that are coming from something more genuine. I know this may sound a little counterintuitive, because I may have talked about releasing the need for control and giving it up to a higher power before, but what I am talking about here is something else. It is about being guided by internal wisdom, not external rewards out there, in the world.
I am finding myself increasingly uninterested in the world and things and people(‘s opinions) who used to matter to me. It’s a little scary to feel this way, because I haven’t replaced it with someone else. It’s just empty. But I think it’s a good thing, and I wish for this empty space to be filled with God’s love.